In a manner of speaking, every age brings with it a journey into a foreign land, so what better way to celebrate the annual turning of the counter than by going on an expedition to… a foreign land?

I meet up with my good friend Miss Adventure in Dubrovnik, famously pretty old town on the shores of the Adriatic. I was in Split earlier this year, so strictly speaking it isn’t my first time in Croatia, but Dubrovnik is situated in the strange appendix that is separated from the main landmass of Croatia by a Bosnian land bridge, which makes it a Croat enclave in a foreign land.

This mapping oddity is a result of the war that followed Yugoslavia’s collapse, when Bosnia and Montenegro shelled the UNESCO-protected town from the mountain ridge up above in an attempt to conquer it. Judging from the number of roofs that had to be replaced, and the many plaques commemorating the atrocity in the old town, it would seem UNESCO doesn’t provide any actual protection, at least not against invading armies…

Nowadays, a different kind of army invades the city on a daily basis. Hordes of tourists come to gape at its wonders, but such ancient history as the civil war doesn’t interest them. Instead it is another civil war – that in Game of Thrones – and the many locations used in filming scenes in King’s Landing that draw the crowds. Most popular of these are apparently the stairs where Queen Cersei began her naked walk of shame…! Why you would want to see a staircase on the basis of the fact that a naked woman once stood on them, I don’t know. What kind of third degree voyeurism is that? In any event, my own brief attempt at reenactment is promptly ended by my companion, ironically with the words “Have you no shame?”.

GoT or no, tourism is simultaneously a blessing and a curse for Dubrovnik – it is virtually its only source of income, but the success is such that it is becoming unbearable, even now in the off season. The city is also famous for its astonishingly well-preserved fortifications, its walls still intact, and most of the turrets, forts, bastions and casemates equally untouched by time. Never breached by a foreign army, the defenses of the city are now – somewhat ironically – overrun with foreigners. The price of walking around the top of the city walls is steeper than the walls themselves at 27€ per person, and even without the presence of one of the gargantuan cruise ships in the harbour you have to be among the very first up those stairs, or it is one long Escheresque queue of instagrammers, obese Americans, lemming-like Chinese and GoT geeks.

The same is true for every alley inside the walls. The main shopping street is called Stradun, and it’s a case in point. It’s surprisingly broad and straight for a medieval city street. It used to be a narrow, marshy straight that separated the island part of town (Ragusa) from the shore side (Dubrava), but as it became ever more clogged with debris and waste from the two cities, the decision was taken to pave it over, thus creating Dubrovnik as we know it, and something of a medieval esplanade – alas, it’s still clogged up, only now it’s with throngs of people.

It is a shame (no pun intended) because Dubrovnik could be so lovely, with its cream-coloured limestones and medieval Mediterranean vibe, but as it is it feels like a movie backdrop rather than a real town, and the crowds make it unbearable for long; one day and one night is plenty, and we are happy to get a rental car and make a run for the Montenegrin border.